Things children insist on learning through sad experience

Kids are amazing little creatures.  Their minds are like little sponges that soak up information at a rate that we sad, sagging adults can't even fathom.  Our minds are burned out or worn out or just plain OUT. But KIDS...man!

I think there are things that kids learn because they are repeated to them a million and a half times, like times tables or don't play with the wall socket. And they remember these simple, sometimes inane things, for the rest of their lives!

I think there are other things that get repeated a million and a half times, like don't hit your brother or clean your room or leave me alone when I'm on the phone, that they never seem to remember and have to be reminded of frequently; usually much more frequently than parents like to admit.  (You see, it reflects badly on US if we say to one another that just the other day one son punched the other in the chest and you told him to knock it off so he did but then today you had to tell the SAME son to stop doing the SAME thing because, as said son says, he "forgot you said that.")

But there is another classification of things that kids learn that, try though we may, we cannot shelter them from.  They are going to learn these things whether we like it or not and the only things we can do, when the lessons are learned, are take them to the ER or clean up the mess.

Here, for your reading pleasure as well as your education, are some of the lessons my children have learned from sad experience:

1.  That stupid rhyme about monkeys jumping on beds is true.  You really will fall off and crack your head.  Then you'll have to get 5 stitches.  (The rhyme never talks about THAT part.)

2.  Sliding down the stairs in a laundry bucket is NOT the same as sledding down a really steep hill.  The hill doesn't have a wall at the bottom that you hit your head on really hard  [**admittedly, they learned this from watching ME trying to convince them that it WAS the same**]

3.  If mom says that shiny, triangle thing with holes in it  (aka the iron) is really hot, it really is REALLY HOT and you shouldn't grab it with both hands.

4.  Playing tug-of-war is something you should do OUTSIDE because there are no closet doors or hinges that you can bang your head on.  Cause after you bang your head you have to go to the hospital and get staples or stitches, depending on the hospital.

5.  Playing baseball with friends is really cool when you're seven except when everybody wants a turn to bat at the same time.  Then, when you get too close to the guy with the bat while it's his turn, you get hit right between the eyes and have to go back to the ER for more stitches.  (And your mom want's to call you Frank 'cause it's short for Frankenstein)

6.  If your mom says she'll help you use that wax thing she dips her hands in, blow drying the wax from the top will not help it melt any faster.  It just makes it splatter all over the mirror in her bathroom and then she says you can't use it anymore.

7.  You should never walk too close to your mom is she's in one of those moods where she wants to try to kick your butt from the side.  She's going to get her foot stuck in your backpack straps and drag you both to the ground.  Then your first grade teacher will have to put Band-Aids on both of you. (Then your kid says "Mom!!  Why do you have to be so stupid!!!???")

8.  If your mom tells you not to ride your bike down that really steep hill with all the potholes in it, don't ride down that hill.  'Cause if you do, you might hit a really deep hole and fly over your handlebars.  Then you scrape your chest all up and your bike lands on top of you and bikes are heavy.

9.  Sliding down the stairs in slickery sleeping bags is AWESOME!...unless....there's a leather sectional three feet from the bottom of the stairs.  The slickery sleeping bag makes you go really fast and your feet crunch into the sectional.  Then you have to turn that piece upside down, glue it, clamp it and pray that the glue dries and you get the dumb thing put back together BEFORE Dad comes home.  (Although you do find all kinds of treasures....)

10.  If someone offers you candy for sucking soda up a straw with your nose...don't do it.

All dressed up...Where shall we go?

Have I ever mentioned the many reasons I love Fall? 
No?  Allow me to elucidate -
1. It's back to school time. 
I love my children, don't get me wrong.  I have dedicated the past 12 years of my life to their well-being but there's something wonderful about the first day that they all go to school and you have six glorious hours of quiet.
2.  The leaves start to fall down from the trees and, if the weather isn't too wet, they get crunchy.  I love crunchy leaves.  Especially when they've been down from the tree for a while and the weather's been dry and they've had a chance to really curl up.  Those have the most satisfying CRUNCH!
3.  HALLOWEEN!  This is for the kid in me.  I love to dress up in costumes and "pretend".  The candy's not a bad thing either.  I can eat several mini Twix's in one day and nobody will think anything of it.
4.  It's "96 season".  This is for the military wife in me.  Autumn marks the beginning of lots of 4 day weekends.   Labor Day, Columbus Day, Marine Corps Birthday, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years...sometimes they even get time off for the Super Bowl (but I think that's only on Okinawa)
5.  The Marine Corps Ball.  This is for the grown up in me.  I still get to dress up but it's the fancy kind of dressing up and my hubby has to dress up too.  :O)  THAT'S the part I like the best.

The best of times,the worst of times...

...Halloween from two perspectives
Depending on who you are, Halloween can be either the best or the worst.

**For the mom trying to sew three costumes in one week, it's probably closer to the worst (although the three children
 placing that much faith in her should count for something...)
*For the children who get to wear the costumes - Party! Bonus! Definitely the best of times.
**For the parents who get to take their kids to the church Halloween activity the day BEFORE Halloween (at which costumes are a social must and they "trunk-or-treat" from car to car) - Worst of times.
* For the kids - two Halloweens in one year! YES! Best of times....
**Regarding the previously mentioned church activity - Dinner is provided---that's good. Good times...but not really best.
*Again, regarding the church activity - dinner is chili. gross. worst.
**Then there's the candy. I understand now why my mom always said we could go once around our block. 13 houses times 7 kids is plenty of candy. As a parent, this is abundantly clear.
*Here is some kid math: dress up + go to the neighbors house = get candy!
We should do this every day!!

**Definitely NOT doing this every day.  Once a year is enough!
*Mom's just afraid of having this much candy in the house all the time....killjoy.

Been there, Done that, got the pictures to prove it

For about the past month or so, Dan and a bunch of guys from church have been planning a big hike up Mt. Whitney. They've been talking and planning about all kinds of stuff, usually away from the house and making me wonder about their "secret combinations". In any case, this past week all that planning finally paid off. They left Wednesday night (could they pick a worse night???) and drove 9 hours to a base camp on Mt. Whitney which is about as high as the top of Half Dome in Yosemite. (Dan and the boys conquered Half Dome over the summer...he was due for another challenge)
They arrived at about 0230, set up camp and got everything all ready to hang around the next day and do nothing. (all that build up for nothing!) They did a few measly hikes around the area and played with some icicles on a frozen river but scaling the mountain was set aside for Friday.

So Friday came (his day started at 0300 or so) and the trek began. There were more pictures than this, but these are the ones with smiles in them.

They all hit the top by 1 pm and then turned around, trudged down, crabbed, packed, ate, and drove home...all on Friday. Needless to say, his Saturday was spent sleeping and walking VERY slowly.

Here are some lessons we learned:

1. 7 men motivated by high adventure trips can finish a lot of work in a little time so they can go have fun

2. It is not a wise idea to simultaneously try to pack and eat if you are in a hurry to leave....you will choke, throw up and worry people around you (once they stop laughing at you for eating so fast you choke yourself...)

3. No matter how tired a woman is, she worries (and hence doesn't sleep...at least not well...) until one of two things happens: a) He walks in the door, b) she passes out casue she's so tired and her body will not go any more

4. You are going to find out, on a hike like this, who you want in your foxhole. Be prepared.

5. Hiking up and up and up sounds easy but is actually very hard. It takes longer than you plan for to get up there and longer than you think to get back down.

6. Driving for a long time after you've hiked 22 miles in one day makes you tired.

7. The day after you come home, you will probably scare the people who love you the most when you try to get out of bed and nearly fall to the floor yelling something about "OW". (Apparently, a hike like this will make your calves and feet VERY sore and make it an exceedingly painful thing to stand up or walk)

8. Baby steps, after a hike like this are a good thing...they take a long time but they feel so much better!!!

THE absolute DUMBEST dog on the planet

So Oreo, our dog, has been with our family for about a year now and we're all pretty well adjusted. Every now and then we see him doing something completely retarded and know he was meant to be with us. He'll run laps around the table just to get you to play with him and one time he even nipped Stephen's rear because he was being ignored. He'll whine and cry if he's not getting any love ( Like when Dan and I are hugging and NOT paying attention to him).

These are all little things that he does...small and simple and very comfortable. And then there are things like the "making" of the bed. This is a very important ritual for everyone and each person has his or her own way of doing it.

Dan likes to twist up and sleep the BOTTOM sheet off the matress.

I prefer to have everything smooth and flat so that when I get OUT of the bed, I don't have to do much to make it neat.

Stephen is a burrito...very literally, a boy burrito.

Haley begins as a ball, breaks in the middle to make knee tents, and then goes back to the ball.

Nathan is all over the place...makes me nervous having him sleep on the top bunk.

Emily is a "star sleeper". Arms out, legs out...Ahhhhh.

Little did we know that Oreo also has a method to his madness. Observe.Watch the video here...

Ohhhh....I wish I wish.....

What to say about these choice pictures.....

There are days when I'm really serious about wanting this to be real. Take yesterday for example and we'll examine the angry boy in the white shirt.

Yesterday was a regular day. He came home from school, The Happy Wanderer/Hungry Hunter Gatherer, in search of food. Anything would do, EXCEPT the crust from his lunchtime sandwich. Three tortillas microwaved with too much cheese, a spoon ful of peanut butter, a handful of chips and a paper cup full of green Kool-Aid seemed to satiate his hunger. But then it was time for homework. (scary music here)

THE HORRORS OF ABC ORDER!!! And that stupid letter "F"! (it kept getting forgotten...) For an hour he was on the living room floor playing kewpie doll with his worksheet. (You know that thing you do when your paper is on a soft floor and you stab it repeatedly with your pencil to make many little holes...it feels sort of neat-o when you turn it over.) After that, he tried to spear it while it floated....this did not go over well with the older brother who kept getting speared because he was in the line of fire.

"Nathan, go upstairs and work please!!!" I shouted....? yelled...? shrieked...? You get the picture....imagine the exasperation.

He went and peace reigned downstairs. Then the little sister began to be tortured. Pencils were moved, marks were made on her papers, crayons were taken and broken with one hand (...she said I couldn't do it so I showed her....) and, the piece de resistance, she was knocked out of her chair (which her older sister cleverly balances on risers)

I arrived on the scene to find half of a worksheet, torn lengthwise so the words could still be used and punctured mercilessly, on the table next to a folder, torn in half in a fit of forgotten "f" temper. These were accompanied by a horde of broken crayons and the wadded other half of the aforementioned worksheet. The little sister was in tears under the table and the BOY was on a chair in the closet, berating the sister for falling from the chair.

WHY do they not offer to let parents use the jails a few days a month?!??! Do you know how helpful this would be??? *sigh*

As it was, I had to improvise...

I looked at my watch...5:15 pm. I looked at the BOY....

"GO TO BED!!!"

Snot So Very Easy....

Snot. Snot. This I have learned.
This blogging stuff can suck up some serious time! I thought it would be a simple enough thing to click, create and post (and given my limited technical knowledge, this is a good thing) but after several hours spent clicking, creating, trying to upload, downloading about 12 different things to help me upload, trying to figure out how to set up said things and failing all miserably, I came to my conclusion: Snot so very easy. I finally achieved success (after a few more downloads and a phone call to my internet service provider). NOW, we’re getting down to it.
Now I can post news on my blog and think I've done very well and have time to visit my friends blogs. Then I switch back and forth between theirs and mine and debate deleting mine entirely because theirs look so much better. *sigh* (what was it that girl in first grade said that her mom told her??? "Never compare yourself to others, you'll only make yourself miserable." I know, I know....but I'm still new at this.

And now I'm tired.