Things children insist on learning through sad experience

Kids are amazing little creatures.  Their minds are like little sponges that soak up information at a rate that we sad, sagging adults can't even fathom.  Our minds are burned out or worn out or just plain OUT. But KIDS...man!

I think there are things that kids learn because they are repeated to them a million and a half times, like times tables or don't play with the wall socket. And they remember these simple, sometimes inane things, for the rest of their lives!

I think there are other things that get repeated a million and a half times, like don't hit your brother or clean your room or leave me alone when I'm on the phone, that they never seem to remember and have to be reminded of frequently; usually much more frequently than parents like to admit.  (You see, it reflects badly on US if we say to one another that just the other day one son punched the other in the chest and you told him to knock it off so he did but then today you had to tell the SAME son to stop doing the SAME thing because, as said son says, he "forgot you said that.")

But there is another classification of things that kids learn that, try though we may, we cannot shelter them from.  They are going to learn these things whether we like it or not and the only things we can do, when the lessons are learned, are take them to the ER or clean up the mess.

Here, for your reading pleasure as well as your education, are some of the lessons my children have learned from sad experience:

1.  That stupid rhyme about monkeys jumping on beds is true.  You really will fall off and crack your head.  Then you'll have to get 5 stitches.  (The rhyme never talks about THAT part.)

2.  Sliding down the stairs in a laundry bucket is NOT the same as sledding down a really steep hill.  The hill doesn't have a wall at the bottom that you hit your head on really hard  [**admittedly, they learned this from watching ME trying to convince them that it WAS the same**]

3.  If mom says that shiny, triangle thing with holes in it  (aka the iron) is really hot, it really is REALLY HOT and you shouldn't grab it with both hands.

4.  Playing tug-of-war is something you should do OUTSIDE because there are no closet doors or hinges that you can bang your head on.  Cause after you bang your head you have to go to the hospital and get staples or stitches, depending on the hospital.

5.  Playing baseball with friends is really cool when you're seven except when everybody wants a turn to bat at the same time.  Then, when you get too close to the guy with the bat while it's his turn, you get hit right between the eyes and have to go back to the ER for more stitches.  (And your mom want's to call you Frank 'cause it's short for Frankenstein)

6.  If your mom says she'll help you use that wax thing she dips her hands in, blow drying the wax from the top will not help it melt any faster.  It just makes it splatter all over the mirror in her bathroom and then she says you can't use it anymore.

7.  You should never walk too close to your mom is she's in one of those moods where she wants to try to kick your butt from the side.  She's going to get her foot stuck in your backpack straps and drag you both to the ground.  Then your first grade teacher will have to put Band-Aids on both of you. (Then your kid says "Mom!!  Why do you have to be so stupid!!!???")

8.  If your mom tells you not to ride your bike down that really steep hill with all the potholes in it, don't ride down that hill.  'Cause if you do, you might hit a really deep hole and fly over your handlebars.  Then you scrape your chest all up and your bike lands on top of you and bikes are heavy.

9.  Sliding down the stairs in slickery sleeping bags is AWESOME!...unless....there's a leather sectional three feet from the bottom of the stairs.  The slickery sleeping bag makes you go really fast and your feet crunch into the sectional.  Then you have to turn that piece upside down, glue it, clamp it and pray that the glue dries and you get the dumb thing put back together BEFORE Dad comes home.  (Although you do find all kinds of treasures....)

10.  If someone offers you candy for sucking soda up a straw with your nose...don't do it.