Attitude is Everything...So Pick a Good One!!

Disclaimer: This post is about MY thoughts and MY feelings about a "hot" topic. I understand that there are differing viewpoints from my own and I don't claim to be "right". I simply claim the thoughts following to be empirical and personal.


That being said:

There are a few things that I have seen and heard this week that have caused me to reflect on my, for lack of a better word, situation. Most of my thoughts can be rounded up into one subject: feminism. Here they are:


I am a stay-at-home-mom and yet, I consider myself a "liberated woman". How can this be, you ask? Refer to the title of this post. If that's not enough, keep reading and I'll try to explain.

Here's what generated a lot of my thoughts. I saw a snippet this week of an interview with a single, female movie star in which she expressed her frustration at being told she was 'equal' with men but was annoyed that she would still "lose" her name (if she were to marry) and, after marriage would be expected to make babies and "present them" to her husband ("deliver the packages" was the way she put it), as if they were trophies, all the while being more and more diminished while her husband glorified himself. She was upset because she wanted to feel that her purpose in life was more than "just to be half of something else". According to her, the evolution of women is as follows: We begin as "mistresses", graduate to sex symbols, become mothers and, because we have become mothers and breastfed children, we are no longer attractive, don't look good in bathing suits and our only option after that is "soccer mom".


Let me share my thoughts about this.
(Disclaimer 2: I understand that one of the major frustrations for women's rights activists is that women do not get paid the same amount of money for doing the same jobs as men. If that were all this person were talking about, I wouldn't disagree. I don't disagree that if you're doing the same job as someone else, you should be paid the same amount of money. Read on:...)


This woman was upset at being told she was equal but feeling that she wasn't and that she didn't have the use of as many rights as men do. Let me state, for the record, that I am not equal with my husband. By divine design, I am different. God created me with certain talents and abilities that set me apart from my husband; and vice versa. I could also say that he is not equal with me. Where we become "equal" is in the goals that we have for ourselves and our family. I like to think that we are equal when we are united in purpose. I don't mind not being able to do everything he can do because he can't do everything that I can do. And if there's anything I've learned being married it is that individually we are strong, intelligent people; but TOGETHER, as two halves of a whole, we are at our most powerful. On his own, he can do amazing things and when he gets weak, he can strengthen himself. Together, he does amazing things and when he gets weak he can draw strength from the love and support I offer as well as from himself. It works much better this way... and it goes both ways.


I was married 16 years ago. When I got married, my name changed; but I didn't 'lose' it. I surrendered it. Until that point, I had had my father's name, because he was the one who cared for me. I CHOSE to change my name; not because in marrying my husband I was becoming less but out of respect for the responsibility that he was accepting to provide for and support me. At the manly age of 20, he CHOSE to accept the responsibility to care for a person other than himself, to put my needs before his and to work hard so that the necessities of life would always be available to me. My feelings about this can be summed up in Kate's Soliloquy from Shakespeare's play, "The Taming of the Shrew". (Italics added)


KATE: Fie, fie, unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience--
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
Whey they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms,
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown.
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.
If you think about it, Kate's words ring true. When people get married there are usually words, repeated by both people, like: love, cherish, honor, obey. I personally promised to obey the counsel of my husband as he obeys the counsel of God. Does all of this name changing and responsibility mean that I am incapable of working to provide for myself? Absolutely not. What it means, to me, is that in doing this one simple thing, in changing my name to my husband's name, I honor him as he honors me with his love and work on my behalf.

Let's move on to kids:
I've had four of them. In a way, I did present them to my husband but not as trophies. The first time he held each of our children, I could see in his face and in his reverent attitude toward the life he held in his hands that, to him, these children were not simply a means of glorifying himself. These precious children, straight from heaven, were being entrusted to him for his care and maintenance; and he would be held accountable before God for the performance of that sacred duty.

Regarding my status, according to the movie star, as "soccer mom" and unattractive, I beg to differ. No, I politely request that she speak for herself. Does my body look the same way it did 16 years ago? Definitely not. Am I unattractive because I've had 4 children? I flatter myself...Definitely not. I try to eat right, I regularly exercise, I don't drink, I don't smoke...I take care of myself in mind and body...THAT'S what makes a person attractive. And my kids don't go to a million different activities. Why? Because I know I can't handle juggling 4 different schedules and because cooking healthy meals and eating together as a family are more important to me than athletic achievements and trophies.

So I return again to my statement: I am a liberated woman. I have made choices in my life and am happy with them. I chose to honor and respect my husband by taking his name and accept my role as his wife, lover and support system with joy. I chose to have 4 children and accept my role as their mother, teacher, and guide with honor and humility. I choose to take tare of my body and my mind as an example to my children and as a proof to my husband that I know I am important to him...he wants me to be healthy and fulfilled.

There is nothing more liberating than choosing who you want to be, and working toward becoming that person.

Attitude is Everything...So Pick a GOOD One!